Leroy Lafayette Lawton--youngest of three children. He has an older sister and brother. He is the mischievous one. He is the product of a single-parent family. His parents divorced when he was one.

          Karena Elise Jones--an only child. She is headstrong, determined, independent, and a "tester of the waters" type. She is the product of a two-parent family.

          Brione Renee Thompson--the oldest of two girls. She is much more subdued than her female counterpart Karena. Still, Brione does have her moments. She is the product of a single-parent family. Her parents divorced when she was eight.

          Michael Carlos Stephenson--an only child. For the most part, he always seems to have direction. He is quiet, yet very sociable. He is the product of a two-parent family.

Their parents will share incidents about their children’s lives. Although the names and some of the circumstances are changed, still, each scenario is about a situation which actually occurred. The method of discipline was actually employed to cope with the situation.

As you see Leroy, Karena, Brione, and Michael, you will probably see your own youngsters. Possibly, you will even see yourself when you were a child. The important feature is that these four youngsters are regular kids. They are not incorrigibles; they are not "poster children" for a TV talk show discussing the doom and gloom of "bad" kids. And their parents are no more gifted in the art of parenting than you. However, it is parents like us, you and those who share their scenarios, that help raise loving, productive citizens. These scenarios and the explanations for why certain disciplinary methods were successful serve as guides for the true "experts," those of us who live, eat, and breathe our children every day of our lives. And for the most part, we do not regret this role as parents. Yet, we are very humbled every day by our "teachers"--our children.

It is very important that readers understand how this book is using the term "discipline". In this work, discipline does not only imply the effort to eliminate negative behavior. These scenarios illustrate that discipline has a dual meaning: 1) action taken by an authority (in this case, mainly the parent/s) to discourage inappropriate behavior and 2) action taken to instill behavior which will develop strong self-esteem and survival strategies to deal with whatever the world presents in the child’s life.

Now, let us begin. First, we will see the experiences of the parents of Leroy Lafayette Lawton as told by his Jack and Jill mom when Leroy was a Pre-K youngster. Then, the Jack and Jill mom of Karena will share her experiences with her young lady at this same age level. Next, the Jack and Jill mom of Brione will impart her words of wisdom. Finally, the Jack and Jill mom of Michael will share her moments coping with Michael as a Pre-K child.

Subsequently, as we change grade groups, the same order of progression for discussion will continue. What should be most apparent is that no matter how overwhelming things may look the parent and child continue to grow and survive. It is consistent firmness and taking into account the personality of the individual child that make each method of discipline effective. And above everything, each child knows s/he is loved--the key ingredient for successful parenting.

My wife, in her calm and matter of fact tone, explained to our daughter, "Oh no, sweetheart, the OTHER children have all come to our home as invited guests. They are anticipating ice cream, cake, and Dr. Doolittle, and that is what they will receive. It is unfortunate that you have decided not to be a gracious hostess, and, therefore, you will not be able to participate in the festivities."

After a brief sojourn in her room, where our daughter was able to reflect upon the day’s events, she asked if she could return to the party in progress. We allowed her to return, but with a clear understanding of her responsibilities as hostess. She understood that to have invited guests in her home for a party is a privilege and that privileges require her to behave responsibly toward others.

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          Sometimes, the seven-year-old is studded with constant reminders as his/her parents see their vision of a lovely, mannerly, thoughtful child disappearing rapidly. In this case, being the center of attention at her own party is the perfect time to be self-centered and insensitive toward her family and friends. This is the perfect occasion for children at this age level to openly demonstrate their resentment of forced participation for sharing and treating their guests with respect. Parents can take advantage of the fact that seven- year-olds have a strong desire to win at games and to excel in any competition.

I knew there were two lines of advice that I had to offer: 1) Tell her to hit her back, and 2) tell her to tell the teacher. I could give her the advice I was given as a child. Another option? I could use this as an opportunity to put into practice some of the thoughts on reducing conflicts and violence that we had discussed earlier that week. When I was a child, the advice was "hit her back, beat her up, and she won’t mess with you again." Such altercations always meant a physical fight. There would be tears, bruises, and ugly words. There would be a crowd that would gather around for the spectacle. There would be a proclaimed winner and loser. The winner would remember this was how one should handle conflict, and the loser would remember not to get beat again. No one predicted the stakes would rise, and weapons would become more deadly. The advice was still considered sound, "it’s just that things have changed." I chose the second alternative.

Fortunately, for her and me, it worked out. No one waited for her when the bell rang or came looking for her with a crowd. The other student lost her recess that day, and it never occurred again. It was over as quickly as it began, just as it should have been. Play resumed.

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          Many second graders will illustrate at home and school their growing confidence in themselves by their careless disregard of adult requirements for doing what is considered right or wrong. The other student in this case wanted to play on the monkey bars, and, at age seven, felt that it was her right to cross over. After receiving the "no" response, she retaliated by "slapping." For so long Karena had occupied her "space" without interruption and was actually shocked because she did not want to give up ownership of the apparatus that she had for so long claimed as her own.

You would be amazed at how precise in measurement and egalitarian our children became. No more rush jobs on breaking a popsicle or an Oreo cookie. And the good thing was, for the most part, it allowed our girls to begin to problem solve and to see the value in being fair.

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          The inability to share can be a part of sibling rivalry in some instances. It is most prevalent when the children are closer in age. The "ego" involvement dictates, "Sister or brother will not have more than me!" When these feelings are so strong that they carry over into all aspects of the children’s lives, parents must step in and be firm. The choice of "you cut/divide; I choose" is a wonderful rule. It works because it mandates fairness. The ability to share equally and fairly is also necessary for maintaining a balance outside of the immediate family.

I would be open with my child. I’d prove to the world that all you needed was an education to rear a child. I soon learned that was only partially true. If I could just be as good as my mom. As I got older, she got wiser. My daughter once decided that she had to let me know and everyone else know whenever she was angry. So she would stomp up steps and slam doors. I also got a lot of mumbling and eyes rolling. I thought I would ignore it. I felt she needed to express herself. My mother laughed at me. "Train up a child in the way she should go and when she gets old you can be proud of her," she said. She always had these phrases "just keep a livin’ "or "you’ll understand it by and by." I thought I understood it, then. My little angel would change all by herself. She was only six years old.

My daughter, finally, pushed the button one evening. I really didn’t want to spank her. I felt that spanking would only make an angry child worse. I did realize that this behavior had to go. So I had her slam the door fifty (50) times to get her frustrations out.

Her arm was tired; my ears were shot. Yet, we both learned something. I could be her friend, but I, also, had to be her mother. Later, my mother, daughter, and I had a great debate about creative discipline. I, finally, got it. And I really began to understand what it took to discipline--creativity, guidance, and firmness.

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          It is so very easy to reject management techniques, for example, spanking, etc., that were so effectively utilized by many African-American parents in the "olden days." Sometimes when young children misbehave, we find ourselves wondering, "What are we doing wrong? We were spanked and we’re okay!" In this approaching 21st century, some parents are finding successful alternatives to spanking, as in this scenario. This six-year-old found out that mom would deal with her negative behavior. After slamming the door fifty times, a true understanding of expected behavior was realized. Just as grandmama’s "licks" came to mind to the mother when she was a child and was tempted to misbehave. A real vision of the "sore arm" would be vivid to the six-year-old if she slammed the door again.